I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
