The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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