i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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