Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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