Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
