he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
