your thong is hanging out like whoa
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
