I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
