Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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