I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
