He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
