just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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