i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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