Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm bleeding and have questions
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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