You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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