i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Someone came in the potted fern
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
