just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
