Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.

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(509): View more from Washington

I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker

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(605): View more from South Dakota

I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before

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(208): View more from Idaho

can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?

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(925): View more from California

i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit

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(410): View more from Maryland

I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.

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(256): View more from Alabama

He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch

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