never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
