last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
