i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
