You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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