im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
