you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
