his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
