508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
