this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
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