Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
