I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
