I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
