Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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