Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
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Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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