My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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