i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
