my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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