Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Mom said you looked used
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
