You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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