you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
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The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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