Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
