ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
