Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
