i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
