Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
