So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Oh god it's open bar.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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