im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
