saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
