if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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