It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
