Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
