Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
