I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
