then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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