dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I am available for nakedness
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
