My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize