My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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