I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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