i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
