hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
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I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper