I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.