Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
