I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
