she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
