I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
