Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
