I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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