thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
