so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
