The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
