the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
