Whoa Z and x make the same sound
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
