sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it hurts more in the daytime
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
