i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
