Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
