I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
