I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
how can u be prego again
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize