I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
